Swimming: the naked truth

It’s always interesting to see the array of aids and toys people take with them when they go swimming.  Some help, most don’t. They simply make the whole experience more complicated.  In reality, swimming is one of the few sports for which you don’t really need a single piece of equipment.  You could do it completely nude if you wanted.

So the question is…have you?

Go on, you can tell me, it’s only us here.  Have you ever swum in the buff?  Naked? In the nuddy?

A surprising number of people have.  And of those who haven’t I’m sure there is a significant proportion who have considered it and fantasised about it.  I’ve done it.  More than once. Got caught doing it too!  That wasn’t a good day!

I’m not a regular skinny dipper though, but those who are describe a wonderful sense of freedom.   Bits bob and float about that are normally strapped down and, whilst I wouldn’t think that improves your streamlining much, it certainly heightens the sense of the water flowing over your body and thus connects you even more with the elements and your surroundings.  Bits are displayed which are normally well tucked away; pale bits, flabby bits, stretched bits, wobbly bits, hairy bits, shaven bits, pierced bits, tattooed bits, even missing bits – it’s all there in its naked glory.  There’s no denying that there’s a certain thrill in being so vulnerable plus, of course, there’s the additional excitement and uncertainty of whether you’ll get away with it or whether you might be discovered.

Because, of course, it needs to be pointed out, that, with just a few exceptions, naked bathing is illegal.  Indecent exposure may be offensive to many and thus, unless you are on a designated beach or at a sanctioned organised event, it’s officially against the law.  SwimMastery would, of course, never encourage you to do anything which might end up with you being on the wrong side of the law.

However……

As noted earlier, there seem to be an awful lot of folks prepared to step beyond the boundaries of public decency for the sake of a little thrill-seeking.  There’s quite a lot of advice to be found online regarding the best way to go about it although much of it is contradictory. 

Safety always comes first so don’t swim alone, always in a group (although some say it’s too embarrassing to do it with people they know). Never swim after consuming alcohol (although some say a bit of Dutch Courage is fairly essential ).  Visibility of others is vital so make sure you can see everyone when they are in the water (although some say it’s easier and less embarrassing to swim when it’s dark), spontaneity makes the whole thing a lot more fun (although some say that’s is better to plan the event and give people a bit of warning in advance so they can prepare).    

You see what I mean about it being contradictory?

There are a number of guidelines though which seem to be fairly universal. 

First, choose a location that is going to be private and where you won’t be seen by others.  Bear in mind that a pool in your back garden may not qualify if you are overlooked by neighbours.  Even on your own property you can be visited by the police and arrested for indecency.  And, if you’ve pre-planned the event, decide who gets an invitation.  Are you comfortable with naked dipping in a mixed-gender group or should the chaps be banned?   (The little bit of research I did prior to writing this suggests that, despite all the male posturing and posing, flaunting their muscles, men are rather shy about stripping off completely in public.  The girls seem far keener.  I don’t know what that proves but it appears to be the case).

Second, nobody should ever feel pressurised into taking part if they really don’t want to.  Respect that your own boundaries may not be the same as of others.  Don’t make them feel uncomfortable.  (Mind you, if you’re not going to take part, it’s polite to wander away somewhere else. No one likes a voyeur). 

Third, at all costs ensure that minors are protected.  And  “protected” means “absent”!

Fourth, consider what happens when you get out.  Ideally, have a towel ready.  And think about hiding your clothes.  You don’t want to be left in the position of running up and down a river bank in the all-together chasing a thief or a prankster.

Fifth, if you’re doing it in a group, make sure you have at least one co-conspirator. Be prepared that you are probably going to have to take the lead and you don’t want to be the only nude person at the party when everyone else is shuffling their feet and drinking their cocktails in awkward silence.

Sixth, and last: absolutely no photography.  The thought of any such images worming their way onto social media is simply too hideous to contemplate.  Any record of the event should be strictly forbidden.

Observe those unwritten rules though and, by all accounts, a wonderful time can be had by all.  Taking off clothing is by far the hardest part – many advocate leaving underwear on until you’re actually in the water and then, if the mood takes you, removing it with a whoop and flinging it to shore. (You may want to practice this at home first.  No one wants to be in the water and find a wayward 38D cup wrapped around their face).

Remember, everyone will be insecure about how they look.  Even those with what you might think are perfect bodies may not be as confident as they first appear.  But nobody is judging.  Indeed probably no one else is even looking.  Relax and enjoy the joy of being simultaneously calm and at peace and a little bit thrilled and excited.  The longer you swim the more normal and natural it becomes.  Almost all dedicated skinny dippers report an increased acceptance of and confidence in their own bodies.

So is skinny dipping actually good for you?  Well, the second Saturday in July is always deemed International Skinny Dipping Day and there are events where mass swims raise significant amounts of cash for charity so that’s got to be a good thing.  Some claim too that, as well as connecting with nature to a higher degree, the greater exposure of flesh to the sun increases the amount of Vitamin D we receive.  Also, not wearing a swimming costume means no scratchy and soggy material wrapped around you.

So I think that’s a resounding “no”!  Sounds like they are desperately clutching at straws to me there!  If you get caught you’re on your own chum.  Not a leg to stand on!  But almost certainly you’ll have had fun.  And in a group, that’s very infectious, and what could be more natural and life-enhancing than having fun with friends?.... 

…Officer

(You can but try)

Now, where did I leave my towel?